I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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