Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
