I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
