please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
