the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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