Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
No subtext here. People are naked.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
