I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
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She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
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So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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