Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
