Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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