Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
