We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
