Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
