He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
50% drunk capacity currently
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
