i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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