My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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