Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
