Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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