Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
