put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
