I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
