Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
