I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you traded sex for a burrito?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
