My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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