i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
