fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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