3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
