I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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