By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
