I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
