sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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