Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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