Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
