do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I fill condoms, not promises.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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