Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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