I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize