operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
