piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
