Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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