She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
