I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
