Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
