I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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