Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
