So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
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Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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