btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
