he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
