So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
