my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So much rum. So many feels.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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