So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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