He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
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I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
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someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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