I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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