The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
