Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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