Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
