Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
my shit smells like andre
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
