Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
