yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize