Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
They took my balls.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
