Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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