By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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