She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
