Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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