I love black thongs
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
