so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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