I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
