Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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