My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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