Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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