I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
