brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
