I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
