"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
