once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
