Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
