I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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