I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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