Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
