apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
