I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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