Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My vagina is officially offended.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
