thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
