id be glad to
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
