i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
