dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
