Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
